The Yellow Couch
The Yellow Couch
The Yellow Couch is a new space created to provide support through videos and video blogs that can be used by individuals directly or by other professionals to share with their clients and patients. Our goal is to provide resources, snippets of therapy and information that can promote mental wellness Ina global format, accessible to all.
Tackling difficult topics
Tackling difficult topics
Talking to your kids about divorce and separation is always hard. our Yellow Couch channel often looks at some of these difficult topics.
Insights from sessions
Insights from sessions
Some of our topics shared on the Yellow Couch look at discussions from sessions that are coming for multiple clients. by sharing these topics and discussions on this platform, we hope to share timely skills, topics, and strategies that can help all of us in daily life.
the panic cure
the panic cure
Panic attacks can be really scary. So we are sharing our favourite trick to turn them off.
mindfulness simplified.
mindfulness simplified.
When you are stressed out, mindfulness can be a great way to calm down and get out of your head. we have simplified it down to a quick way for everyone to use it.
Upcoming Events
Upcoming Events
Keep up to date with our latest offerings.
Keep up to date with our latest offerings.
Enlightening Lunchtimes
Special Edition: Supporting Russian and Ukrainian Clients - presented by Polina Fedotenko and facilitated by Candice Hamilton-Miller.
Description: The recent events in Ukraine have left most wondering how this is possible in the 21st century, a war between neighbouring countries. Not surprisingly, the people that are the most stunned about the situation are Ukrainians and Russians themselves. On February 23, 2022, the day before the war erupted, the Ukrainians and Russians alike would think that you were telling them a terrible joke, yet on the 24th, it became a reality.
Ukrainians and Russians alike are stunned by the situation in their home countries and struggle to make sense of it. There is hardly any family in both countries that do not have relatives on the other side, and the history of the two nations is intertwined. There was good, there was bad, and now there is ugly.
No wonder when they come to your therapy room, they fill it with the pain of betrayal, disbelief, guilt, shame, and above all, anger!
In this workshop, you will learn the history of the emotional relationship the two nations have, the painful stereotypes they create for each other and possible barriers to counselling they might have. Knowing where they are coming from will help you guide them to where they need to go next. We will also have time to discuss specific challenges that you may be dealing with.
Join us for a one hour virtual workshop by registering with the button below.
Space is limited and the cost is $10 per person.
Alive Again - Discovering Your Flow - presented by Donna Hall and facilitated by Candice Hamilton-Miller.
Description:
In this workshop, you will learn to Discover your Flow and use it to create what you are here to be, do and have.
DATE: May 13 at 12:30pm
Join us for a one hour workshop by registering with the button below. you can select in person or virtual attendance for this workshop.
Alive Again - Beyond the Blocks- presented by Donna Hall and facilitated by Candice Hamilton-Miller.
Description:
In this workshop, you will learn to understand your top three blocks that impact your flow and learn how to choose to live beyond them.
DATE: June 10 at 12:30pm
Join us for a one hour workshop by registering with the button below. you can select in person or virtual attendance for this workshop.
Alive Again - Moving Forward with Flow - presented by Donna Hall and facilitated by Candice Hamilton-Miller.
Description:
In this workshop, you will learn to take action from your flow and get anything that you desire.
DATE: June 24 at 12:30pm
Join us for a one hour workshop by registering with the button below. you can select in person or virtual attendance for this workshop.
Articles and Musings
Articles and Musings
An ongoing series of informative entries
An ongoing series of informative entries
navigating Family through Divorce
navigating Family through Divorce
Candice Hamilton-Miller- excerpt from Milton Divorce and Separation Group
For those Still Married:
When your marriage is not in a good place, it can be really hard to celebrate family holidays, and even to manage Valentine's celebrations between spouses, when kids are around to see the tension. If your marriage is not going the way you want it to, sometimes doing something fun as a family can rekindle those emotional bonds and help you and your spouse just enjoy a few moments together without focusing on each other. go for a hike (if it's not too cold) or go explore a new little town, do something outside of your norm to see if you can just have fun in each's presence.
Also, including extended family in these events, can take some of the pressure off of you and your spouse by distracting your kids while still being a "family" event.
If you do have children at home, going out for an evening with your spouse, may give you a chance to talk about your relationship without the kids around. giving your children a chance to spend time with other "family" allows space for you and your spouse to talk privately.
if your marriage is at the stage where you and your spouse cannot be around each other, take some time to be with your children, or your own family if you don't have children. Use this time to just enjoy being resent with your loved ones, the problems in your marriage will be there next week, but you can take a short break as a breathe and just enjoy the moment.
For recently Separated:
Family day after separating can seem like a cruel reminder of what has changed, kids especially will feel this change and may become sad or grumpy. I often suggest using these kinds of holidays to start new traditions with your new family unit. This may include time with each parent, allowing you both to create a new holiday, while still showing your children that they remain surrounded by family.
Extended family can also help in this time, doing a big family lunch can distract kids from the change and create new happy memories...and for you too. Finding a new normal in your life, recognizing the love around you and enjoying time with family (in whatever format that may be) can be revitalizing for everyone.
if you don't have children, it is more important than ever to spend some time with family and friends, recognizing that you are not alone in this world. Spending a day or two doing something just for you, getting a massage, having a bubble bath or just reading a good book, can also help you to love your new world where you can take time to do exactly what you want to do. Try to not wallow in sadness or anger. If you find yourself doing this, then get out the house, find a distraction or phone a good friend. Journalling can also really help in these times of sadness and solitude. Feel the feelings, sit with them, and then let them pass. It is okay to not be okay.
Post divorce:
By now, you have been separated for a wile and the reality of your new life is in full swing. Journalling is still an excellent strategy over difficult holidays, as is spending time with family and friends, and doing fun things for yourself.
If you have kids, this year you can start new family traditions over this weekend by doing fun activity, going away for the weekend, or even just watching a movie in your Jammies. If your kids are sad or grumpy about their other parent being absent, don't try too hard to cheer them up, do fun things but also allow them to be sad if they feel that way. reassure them that it will get easier and engage them in focusing on positive things in their lives.
Above all, know that regardless of your stage in your marriage journey, you are surrounded by love. and you can also love yourself.
Holiday Grief
Holiday Grief
Jackie Storer
Holiday Grief: coping with grief over the holidays.
The holiday season can be a difficult time for many people, and this is particularly true for those who are grieving the loss of a loved one. The arrival of Covid 19 in early 2020 has impacted everything in our lives from a global perspective to our own personal lives. Even those who haven’t suffered a personal loss to death during Covid are impacted by grief. Covid has brought new challenges in how we grieve and mourn a death.
For those who are grieving the loss of a loved one, just managing daily life is a challenge. Grief affects every part of our life from the everyday decisions and routines to life events including the holiday season, birthdays, anniversaries, Valentines Day etc. We often refer to the first year of grief as being 13 months. It is our first year of “firsts” and as we travel those 13 months we are learning and developing our coping with grief “tool box”.
Holidays have a habit of sneaking up on us when we are grieving and this holiday season began in September with the return to school routines and Thanksgiving. Even if we are at the stage in our lives that the school year no longer affects us or perhaps a holiday isn’t culturally relevant to your family, they are a part of our change of season and every change of season brings grief. We are also inundated with the media and its use of happy images of parents getting kids ready for school, families gathered together at a large dinner table full of food and cheer or couples toasting the New Year. It’s hard to avoid reminders of your loss.
The holiday season can be very lonely and you may find you have an increase of grief responses including: an increase in feelings of depression, anxiety (two natural and normal grief responses), guilt (how can I enjoy myself), loss or increase in appetite, loss or increase in sleep, inability to concentrate, heightened emotions or numbness, need to isolate and also a need to be social. Grief is already physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually and socially exhausting, the holidays can feel like an additional burden.
Unlike the day to day grief triggers that can catch us off guard, we can plan for the holidays. Actually we can have plans A, B and sometime C.
First is self care. Be patient with yourself. Keep it simple and focus on the basics beginning with sleeping and eating. Find your support people or person, walk, take time to cry and feel your sadness, anger, emptiness, feeling overwhelmed and vulnerable. Talk or write to your loved one. Be prepared for positive feelings also.
You can even try to journal your thoughts and feelings to quiet your brain chatter. Grief is overwhelming mentally, creating lists and writing out your thoughts help with mental
overload. Recognize that this is different. You are exhausted and we need to be mindful of where you can expend your energy.
Plan ahead for family/friend gatherings. If you are meeting a group for a meal, discuss before hand about gathering 30-45 minutes before the meal to talk about your loved one. Those who can, can share a story, read a poem or song lyrics or light a candle(s). This allows for those attending to share in their memories and it takes the pressure away from the meal. We aren’t brushing our loved ones aside, we are deliberately saying their name and sharing memories.
If traveling to another home for the holiday, make an exit plan. Actually this is good practice for any social event or outing you may be attending. Talk to the host and let them know that if you become overwhelmed you may discreetly leave out the side door or perhaps there will be a spare room you can slip into to have some time to yourself. If you are driving, park somewhere that you can easily leave should you want to go home. If travelling with others establish a “sign” that you are ready to leave. You may find it helpful to arrive early or late so you can blend into the crowd.
If you find sending out cards is an onerous task, perhaps skip this year. If you want to send out something and like the idea of connecting with others, consider typing a note or newsletter to send to family and friends. You can include a link to a charity or special interest of your loved for them to contribute to.
Gift shopping my also be something that you cannot or don’t want to cope with. Friends and family often want to help and don’t know how. Ask them to help pick up and send gift cards. Have a friend or family member help wth online shopping, most places deliver gift wrapped items.
Often it is the anticipation of the event which is worse than the actual event itself. As you travel through your grief, you will discover and develop coping skills and strategies. Understand that grief is ever changing and your grief tool box will change with it. Every step you are learning and healing. Be patient with yourself and remember this is one day at a time.
Moving past the end of a relationship
Moving past the end of a relationship
Candice Hamilton-Miller- excerpt from Milton Divorce and Separation Group
Still married:
Sometimes, the signs of problems in your marriage are clear, other times, it can be general sense of sadness or unhappiness with in your life. Establishing if your marriage is in fact the thing that is the cause or accelerator of your anxiety or sadness is key to deciding what to do about it.
It is so important to evaluate what is troubling you in a supportive environment. If you cannot go to therapy, I suggest starting to journal about all aspects of your life. Look, as honestly as you can, at what is good and what is bad in your life. Journalling (with a pen and paper) is a form of processing your thoughts. But here is the key, make sure that your journal is a safe place that will not be read by anyone else, pouring out the negativity and be disastrous if found by the wrong person.
Marriage can be impacted by so many aspects of our lives, how are you coping in your work life, what is going on with your kids or extended family? Ask yourself as honestly as you can about what the issues are, as you see them, in your marriage. What is missing, what has changed and, most importantly, what are you willing to accept or not?
At this point, it also helps to ask what you are doing that is contributing to the problems that you see, and ask what you can change about your self. For a more specific guided journalling process, I offer an 8 week self reflective journal process that clients can work through at their own pace. In therapy sessions, this process takes time to unpack and get to the root of the dissatisfaction, but the self awareness of what you want to change or keep the same is very empowering.
If your spouse is open to the idea, having this discussion together about what is good and what is not working can lead to repairing the marriage or even couple’s therapy and a greater commitment to each other, but even in the absence of working together, you will need to take the steps to process what is going on and what exactly is making you unhappy.
Recently Separated:
When everything becomes too much, the feelings, the day to day, the kids, it is easy to become overwhelmed and feel bad about yourself. Try taking some time to yourself (even if all you can get is 1 hr in the bathroom!) to reset. Start by calming your body with deep breathes and a personal Mantra (I CAN do this, it will all be okay...) next, grab some paper and a pen and make a list of all that is overwhelming you. Start with a to do list, then the feelings then the ranting, get it all out, cry if you need to.
Consider seeing a therapist or even finding a good friend that you can rant with with no judgement. Come out to our monthly meetings.
Our brains are really good at finding all the problems, without looking for solutions. But when we write it down, when we get it out of our heads, that is when we start to be able to process and really think through all the things that are going on in our lives. Nothing is as overwhelming, once it’s out, as it is when it’s in. Recognize that you are moving forward, that change is hard and that you will get through this.
Take a moment and remember why you are doing this, remember all the things that you are good at and what you have done so far. There is no time limit on this process and there is no clear roadmap. But with support from the people around you, you can do what you need to do to get through.
It is okay to not have everything done, to not be perfect, to not clean the house today. Give yourself permission to be sad, to take some time off. Spend some time with your kids and do something fun. You got this and we can help.
If your kids are the ones who are struggling (acting out, crying etc) give them permission to be sad, mad, upset, be clear that it is not something that we wanted in life, but we are a family and we will work through it. If needed, get your child a therapist or even talk with their school counsellor. ROCK has a great walk in therapy option that is free for families in Halton (the link is in the resources below).
Also remember that you can keep those boundaries and limits, it is absolutely normal to be mad or sad, but how they choose to react may be not okay - be clear about that and help them to find positive outlets for their feelings.
Post Divorce:
Sometimes, when it is all said and done, we find it hard to let go of the past. If you are feeling stuck, try to focus on where you want your life to go now, make goals, plans and new traditions. This is your new life and you can make it whatever you want it to be.
As you move forward, be mindful of the path you have taken, ask yourself what you want to have differently in your life and what lessons you learnt from this journey. this is a new start, but it will be whatever you decide it should be. start a day gratitude journal to learn to focus on all the good things around you. it is always okay though, to take a moment and be sad about the life you thought you would have. take that moment, but, don't live there, move forward and make your new life even better.
Grief is Grief
Grief is Grief
Jackie Storer
In between our first and second Covid lockdowns in 2020, I was asked how does/will Covid affect our grief from death. How will it change? Will it be more complicated or more traumatic than “regular” grief?
The media was reporting stories of families and caregivers and those who were dying and who were now unable to be together or to say goodbye. No final hugs or holding hands or whispered words of “I love you” or “I’ll miss you”. No reassurances of “You’ll be okay” or “I’ll never forget you”. No chance to say “thank you”, “I’m sorry” and even “I forgive you”. No chance for that final “goodbye”. When asked about Covid and grief, my first thought was…grief is grief.
I know…making a very complex emotion sound very simple. Because grief isn't simple. Grief is our response to a loss and that response is very much influenced by our loved ones death and how and where they died. We experience and express grief emotionally, physically, cognitively, spiritually and socially.
Our grief is influenced by our relationship to that person and not necessarily by our family tree or how long we have known them. Our grief is influenced by our previous losses and the stresses we are experiencing at the time of death. Our grief is influenced by our age at the time of death and the stage of our lives. Our grief is influenced by our loved ones age at the time of their death and their stage of life. We can experience different types of grief and more than one at the same time. The website whatsyourgrief.com discusses 18 types of grief in their Types of Grief article! 18!
Grief isn't linear or a series of stages, although it does have stages. It doesn’t fit neatly into boxes nor does it follow a set timeline. Navigating grief can feel like trying to steer an iceberg or herd cats. It is messy.
Over the next few weeks I’ll talk about grief and explore different types grief and how grief affects us. We’ll discuss coping strategies, secondary losses and how to use all of this information to help navigate our grief, even in a pandemic.
CHM Therapy on Social Media
CHM Therapy on Social Media
CHM Therapy Services is now on Instagram, Facebook and Pinterest. The goal is to share tidbits of information on topics of interest. You can find the links at the bottom of this page if you want to follow us there to stay up to date on our latest postings.
CHM Therapy Speakers
CHM Therapy Speakers
From time to time, Candice and other team members will speak about various topics in interviews or presentations. Check out a couple of those videos below.
Help! We've got Anxiety! with Laurel Crossley
Help! We've got Anxiety! with Laurel Crossley
Beyond the Classroom with Cathy Thompson
Beyond the Classroom with Cathy Thompson
Candice Talks with Cathy Thompson on her show Beyond the classroom about the impacts of competitive activities for kids.
Passion Project: Supers on the Couch
Passion Project: Supers on the Couch